Wikipedia:Peer review/Tyla (album)/archive3

Tyla (album)

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Coming from a failed FAC, archived minutes ago. Main issue (if not only) was prose, grammatical errors to be specific. I'm here requesting a third peer review (fifth if we adding coaching). Any constructive comments will be highly appreciated. dxneo (talk) 12:16, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Medxvo

multi-platinum certificates - multi-platinum certificates — per MOS:PIPE
"In an interview with Nandi Madida, Tyla said that she wanted to kickstart her album with a South African sound" - shouldn't this be in the first paragraph next to the "musically, ..." sentence?
"It was also released in the United Kingdom" - "It was ~~also~~ released in the United Kingdom"
"She promoted the record by hosting pop-up shows" - Tyla's name should probably be stated here since it is not related to the preceding sentence
"Upon its release, it generally received acclaim from critics" - same issue here
"Tunisia, Papua New Guinea" - "Tunisia and Papua New Guinea"
"It won Newcomer of the Year, Best Pop Album and Female Artist of the Year at the 30th Annual South African Music Awards. It was certified gold in Brazil, Canada, New Zealand and the United States" - shouldn't the placement of these two sentences be reversed since the preceding sentence mentions the commercial performance (peaked at ..... etc)?
"The music video gained popularity in South Africa as it garnered over 930,000 views on YouTube in a month and piqued the interest of executives at Epic Records" - the YouTube views are global views and Epic is an American company so how are those related to its popularity in SA?
"In December 2023, before the album's release, she described it as an "experimental album" - can probably be moved to the composition section as, "Described by Tyla as an "experimental album", Tyla is an amapiano, pop and R&B record that contains elements ..."
"Water" was described as a song ..." - I think this should be attributed to the Uproxx writer (The writer's name should also be added to the citation)
"The fourth song on the album, "Truth or Dare", it is an amapiano recording" - "it" should be removed here
"i's Ed Power wrote" - "The i's Ed Power wrote"

Hi @Dxneo: I wanted to participate in the FAC but noticed that the prose has some problems including those above, and I wrote those down for the purpose of participating in the FAC, but to be honest, I wouldn't be able to support there even if they were solved because of the notable problems, so I'm personally grateful to be able to help you here so that we both feel comfortable. Those are just examples that I have noticed, I'll try to add more soon. Also another thing is that none of AllMusic, Rolling Stone, or Sputnikmusic are added in the professional ratings template, which is kinda strange. Medxvo (talk) 12:50, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hello mate, thank you so much. I'll address these after the copyedit. I'll look at your PR soon. dxneo (talk) 18:27, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

FrB.TG

As an FAC coordinator and someone who has taken several music-related articles to FA, I am very familiar with the level of prose quality expected at FAC. If you want, I can give the article a thorough copy-edit. FrB.TG (talk) 12:56, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, FrB.TG, I'd really appreciate it. Please proceed. dxneo (talk) 12:59, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

A few things I observed during my copy-edits so far.

A big part of my copy-edit so far has included rearranging sentences for a better flow and to keep the same topics in one place.
"The album was ultimately released on 22 March 2024[18] by FAX Records and Epic Records[19] and in the United Kingdom by Since '93 and RCA Records.[20]" Where was it reelased on 22 March 2024? Internationally?

Not sure how I should explain this, but I think the release history would explain it better. It was released internationally or in various countries on 22 March 2024 by FAX and Epic. However, in the UK it was released by Since '93 and RCA. (Different labels, but on the same day). Then there were formats (CD and vinyl), released in the US and South Africa by Epic and Sony Music South Africa respectively. The Japanese edition (CD only) was later released on 7 August 2024.

The article switches a lot from the United Kingdom and United States to the UK and US for no apparent reason. I recommend that you stick to one; my own preference would to use the acronyms.

Noted.

"In October 2023" There needs to be a {{nbsp}} between "October" and "2023" (there are many other examples throughout the article). See WP:NBPS. FrB.TG (talk) 17:18, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've never used this before. Question, how does it work and how does it help? dxneo (talk) 18:22, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]