Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Arthur Gilligan/archive1

Addressed comments from Crisco 1492

edit
  • "mainly for Cambridge University and Sussex and captained the latter team between 1922 and 1929." - Feels like you should split this sentence, perhaps with a semi-colon, after Sussex
  • he held several important positions in cricket, including that of England selector and president of the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC), and became a journalist. - A little heavy on the "and"s
  • Gilligan first played cricket for Dulwich College before the First World War - Perhaps "began his cricket career with Dulwich, to avoid first ... First?
  • Following a slow start to his county career, - You just mentioned he was in county cricket, so is "to ... career" redundant?
  • He became a writer, journalist and respected cricket commentator in later years, while maintaining his connections with Sussex. - This feels redundant to the last clause of the above paragraph (journalist)
  • He died in 1976, aged 81. - Didn't you give his death date already, above?
  • The family had a strong connection with Sussex; Gilligan followed Sussex County Cricket Club as a child - which Gilligan? Also, two semi-colons in a row.
  • Fixed semi-colon, but I don't think we need to specify which Gilligan. The whole article is about the same chap, and Arthur is the subject of the previous two sentences. "Arthur Gilligan" is cumbersome here, and "Arthur" seems out of place. Sarastro1 (talk) 16:56, 25 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
  • Lord's - Link?
  • Any more about his military career? Was he commissioned as a captain, or work his way through the ranks?
  • Gilligan faced little competition for his place in the team and although he took 32 wickets at an average of under 27 in Cambridge matches, critics considered this a poor return. - I don't see the relation which requires the use of "and". Also, if critics considered it a poor return despite the scores, that implies that other may think it good
  • The "and" really is there to show that he was able to keep his place despite not performing as there was no competition. The critics consideration is an important distinction to make as (particularly today) an average of 27 is statistically not too bad, and looks like a good performance. But at the time, it was not as good as it may look now. Sarastro1 (talk) 16:56, 25 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
  • the University Match - Big or small t? The article is at "The University Match", suggesting it is part of the proper title.
  • festival game - Link?
  • joined a General Produce Merchants - Why is GMP capitalised? Also, perhaps Subsequently, Gilligan left Cambridge and joined Gilbert Kimpton & Co., a G(g?)eneral P(p?)roduce M(m?)erchants in London in which his father was a senior partner (get rid of some commas)
  • Perhaps I'm misreading this, but did he work at Kimpton and Co. while playing for Sussex?
  • I'm afraid that the sources do not indicate this either. It's a throwaway line in one source. Amateur cricketers' other careers tend to receive little coverage unless they have a full-length (and lengthy) biography. Sarastro1 (talk) 23:15, 25 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
  • in all first-class games - Those he played, or all in total?
  • In the event - Which event? Is this a BrE term?
  • in consecutive matches, Gilligan and Tate dismissed the sides for 53 and 41 respectively. - Is this sentence related to the preceding one enough to warrant a semi-colon?
  • the Oval - Link?
  • by a delivery from Frederick Pearson - You follow this with a footnote directly contradicting the statement. At the very least, Pearson doesn't need to be linked in that footnote.

Skipping forward...

  • on the grounds of her husband's infidelity - With whom, if available? Many, few?
  • Gilligan's two brothers, Frank and Harold, also played first-class cricket. - Not really related to marriages, perhaps as a note above (in the early life section)?
  • Following his retirement from cricket in 1932, Gilligan began to work in journalism. He wrote several cricket books, including a history of Sussex cricket in 1932 - 1932 ... 1932
  • "When" tag added
  • During the Second World War, Gilligan served in the Royal Air Force as a welfare officer; he was initially a pilot officer but later achieved the rank of squadron leader. - What's this doing here, after you've already discussed the 1950s?
  • I think this may be the best place to put it. There's not really enough on his journalism to warrant going through it chronologically, and it spanned the war. So I think it's better to do journalism then military, instead of chronological. Sarastro1 (talk) 17:05, 25 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
  • the English golf union - Formal name?
  • In 1971, a stand named after Gilligan was opened at Hove Cricket Ground, but this was demolished in 2010 as part of a ground redevelopment - Ground ... ground.

Most changes above look good, continuing:

  • four for 12 - Isn't it standard per WP:NUMERAL to have 4 for 12?
  • I know opinion is divided on this one; there is another fine cricket article now at FAC which follows this convention. However, I prefer the distinction for two reasons; it separates two different quantities (runs and wickets), and more importantly, this is the format followed by Wisden Cricketers' Almanack, which is the gold standard of cricket writing. See here for one such example. Sarastro1 (talk) 23:15, 25 November 2012 (UTC)Reply
  • he was dismissed as naive and easy-going on the field. - By whom? Players or critics?
  • his captaincy lacked tactical sophistication - it did (objectively) or it was thought to (by critics)?
  • Appearing in fewer games, he scored 542 runs at 15.05, but bowling far less frequently that in previous seasons, he took just eight wickets. - This feels like it needs rewriting. Perhaps "Appearing in fewer games and bowling far less frequently than in previous seasons, he scored 542 runs at 15.05 and took only eight wickets."
  • Harold also took over as captain of an MCC team which toured New Zealand in the winter of 1929–30 when Gilligan withdrew from the tour owing to illness. - Is "from the tour" necessary?
  • particularly against fast bowling. - Against fast bowling or bowlers? (maybe a BrE difference)