Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Chinese Indonesians/archive2

• Resolved Comments from Mark Arsten moved at 02:39, 9 June 2012 (UTC)
• Comments: I peer reviewed this a little while back, and I'm taking a second look at it now. Mainly focusing on prose and clarity, a few small comments thus far.
• "although more recent government policies have attempted to redress this." Might be best to note a decade here.
  • Clarified
• "Their intervention hastened the decline of the classical kingdoms" What were the "classical kingdoms", anything relevant to link to?
  • No overview article on the Kingdoms of Java, but there were several dozen kingdoms at the time. Majapahit goes more in-depth, but also doesn't list kingdoms. As Singhasari was the major power at the time, do you think we should have " like Singhasari" in the article?
    • Yeah, that might work. Mark Arsten (talk) 04:27, 8 June 2012 (UTC)
• "They were led by the mariner Zheng He, who led several expeditions to southeastern Asia between 1405 and 1430." A little repetition here (led... led)

• Fixed — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:23, 7 June 2012 (UTC)

• "The Javanese-Chinese participation in retaking Malacca" Should there be an endash here?

• Yes

• "Coen and other early Governors-Generals promoted" I think this should be "Governors-General", right? Mark Arsten (talk) 20:37, 7 June 2012 (UTC)

• Yes — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:23, 7 June 2012 (UTC)

• "Seeking high quality scientific professions, they entered China with high hopes for their future and that of the mainland." Some repetition (of high), also, should "high quality" be hyphenated?

• Got rid of the first "high"

• "but their loyalties were questioned." Might want to note by whom here.

• How about a place? "but in the archipelago their loyalties were questioned"

• "the returned overseas Chinese were questioned for their loyalty and targeted because of their foreign connections." What do you mean by "targeted" here?

• -targeted

• "Chinese Indonesian political party" should there be a hyphen here?

• Good catch, yes.

• "but they failed to acknowledge that these businessmen are small in number compared to the small traders and shop owners." Past to present tense switch here.

• Fixed

• [[elite]] might be overlinking.

• Changed

• You probably want to double check my copyedits, I've made a few of them.
• "who may not be able to pay the cost of becoming an Indonesian citizen" How much does it cost?

• I'll have to dig it up; it's not cheap.

• "Although these migrants possess a Chinese heritage, they often were not identified as such, a trend which continues into the modern day" Check the tenses here.

Changed present to present perfect

• "A secondary meaning to the terms later arose that meant the "totok" were born in China, and anyone born in Indonesia is considered "peranakan". Check the tenses here.

• Fixed

• "Use of a Chinese surname, in some form or circumstance, is generally a sign of cultural self-identification as ethnic Chinese or alignment with a Chinese social system." I'm not sure if the "in some form or circumstance" is needed here.

• It means that the people may not always use the Chinese name. Some, like Mrs Crisco, have the Chinese family name as part of their own name; a couple of my friends are like that. Others, like the one who could have been Mrs Crisco, have an Indonesian name on their KTP (ID card) but use a Chinese name with their friends. Others may only use the Chinese name with other Chinese, or have adapted the Chinese name to sound Indonesian (for examples, see Chinese Indonesian surname).

• " private efforts to encourage the growth of indigenous capital." I'm not sure capital needs to be linked, but if it does, there are previous occurrences that are unlinked.

• Wikilink removed

• "Ethnic Chinese capitalists, called the cukong, were strengthened by the military, which emerged as the dominant political force after 1965." I'm not sure I understand here, how were they strengthened by the military?

• Clarified

• I think you should attributed the quotes in "Media" in text.

• One quote attributed, the other paraphrased

• "It was estimated in 2006 that 70 percent of the ethnic Chinese population was Christian" Might want to note by whom here.

• Done

• I wouldn't link proselytism, although I've heard others suggest it.

• I'd rather keep that, as I've had to search for it when reviewing your articles

• "The Supreme Council for Confucian Religion in Indonesia (Majelis Tinggi Agama Khonghucu Indonesia, MATAKIN) estimated that 95 percent of Confucians are ethnic Chinese." Might be too much detail, but have Confucians converted some Indonesians? I'm curious who the 5% of non-Chinese Confucians are.

• Added as a footnote

• "Government policies prohibiting the public display of Chinese culture" Wow, lots of alliteration here. Mark Arsten (talk) 21:08, 8 June 2012 (UTC)

• Reworded.