Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Ezra Meeker/archive1

journey of nearly six months, - nearly six-month journey?

I think the first one works better in American English.

By 1887, his business had made him wealthy, and he built a large mansion. - Do you mean he built the mansion then or that he had built it by then?

That winter was particularly harsh, and Ezra, working in a surveyor's camp, decided that he did not like Iowa's winters, a prejudice shared by his wife, who was by then pregnant. - Comma after comma after comma... — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:05, 28 April 2013 (UTC)

A lot of semi colons, may need reconsideration

the bison's stampedes could destroy property and kill irreplaceable stock. - Relevance not immediately clear

friends with Meeker - or friends with the Meekers?

Meeker does not say whether any of them outlived his wife. Likely they did, but I don't want to say what the source does not. Per Larsen's article on the Ballard family which is one of the refs, Meeker avoided mentioning the names of some of them, principally the ones who left when Oliver was sick. I don't think it's possible to expand on Meeker's statement which is the basis for this phrase due to these uncertainties. I'm inclined to let it go at that.

• Alrighty. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:41, 28 April 2013 (UTC)

(skipping ahead) one of the most severe depressions in the nation's history. - worth a footnote?

two of his sons - above you say "his sons" (implying he only had two). Which is correct?

Local historian Dennis M. Larsen - Local to Alaska or Oregon?

That's it for today. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:34, 28 April 2013 (UTC)

I've cut back on the number of semicolons, which I don't think detract from the prose, it is simply an economical way of writing which allows for consistency in sentence length. Nevertheless, I've dropped about 20. Except where noted, I've made changes as suggested. Thank you for your work.--Wehwalt (talk) 02:46, 28 April 2013 (UTC)

• Oliver obtained the rental of a house - Did he rent it, or was it rented for him, or? This seems to be an awkward construction

Oliver sent Ezra a note, "Have rented a house, sixty boarders", so I guess he did. Tweaked.

• as there was a major flood on the Columbia in early 1853. - When did he start the farm?

According to Ox-Team Days, on January 20, 1853 he drove the stakes to make a claim. He says "scarcely had we settled in our new home" than the flood came. He doesn't give a date but in the next chapter refers to beginning to grow crops in February. Seems a bit early for me, but I've never been a farmer, nor have I ever lived near Portland. I've made a tweak.

• Indians or Native Americans (should have asked this earlier). I'm not up to date on the niceties of ethnic labels in the US, but last I checked Indians was becoming perceived as derogatory.

I think it is still acceptable. If you only use Native Americans, you look overly politically correct. Museum of the American Indian.

• Sounds fair. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 11:08, 29 April 2013 (UTC)

• who taught them how to cook the clams that they sold the Meekers. - Possible confusion between "them" (the Meekers) and "they" (the Native Americans)

Tweaked.

• Jacob Meeker saw ... - doesn't this fit in better with the above paragraph?

The claim near Tacoma that Meeker took was at the urging of his father, so I think it's more relevant where it is. That would leave a very thin paragraph leading into the blockquote, anyway. But I think it's more relevant to what they did after the rescue than during it.

• Still kinda iffy on this, especially since this paragraph is quite short and doesn't quite seem to connect. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 11:08, 29 April 2013 (UTC)

• Very well, I've combined them.

• and in 2004 the Washington State Senate passed a resolution that Leschi had been unjustly treated; a special historical tribunal made up of past and present justices of the Washington Supreme Court also exonerated Leschi. - Perhaps better as a footnote, or refactored to be directly related to Meeker?

As Meeker took the position that Leschi was not guilty of murder, I think it's relevant that his position was later upheld. Too late for Leschi, of course.

• Much too late, sadly. I didn't suggest removing it, but moving it to a footnote as it is not inherently related to Meeker's life, nor have you provided a source which connects the pardon with Meeker's defense of Leschi. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 11:08, 29 April 2013 (UTC)

• I've made it clearer why he was exonerated, and that Meeker held to that view. It was argued by the defense at trial. I do not think the court needed to say a thank you to Ezra Meeker for it to avoid relegation to a footnote.

• Jerry Stilly - Person or place?

Person. Jerry is a nickname, usually for Gerald or Jerome. However, I've never seen a formal first name for him, and he's referenced in several sources. Meeker's brother in law, by the way, though not until later.

• I was reading this as "squatter's claim over Jerry Stilly", partially because Stilly doesn't seem to be a common family name and partially because I'm not used to "of". Perhaps "a squatter's claim from Jerry Stilly? — Crisco 1492 (talk) 11:08, 29 April 2013 (UTC)

• There is nothing wrong with using "of" in this sense. President of the United States, 31st of January, native of Barataria. In this case, it's being used because ""belonging to" would be incorrect, or I could even say "property of Jerry Stilly". From would be awkward, and I can't switch it to the possessive as it would mean two consecutive words with apostrophes. I think it's fine as is.

• The addition of "land" makes it more clear. Thanks. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:56, 29 April 2013 (UTC)

• No problem.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:23, 29 April 2013 (UTC)

• (skipping ahead) The largest event was at one of the landmarks along the Oregon Trail, Wyoming's Independence Rock, on July 3–5, which included the dedication of a plaque depicting Meeker, embedded in the rock. - The last clause is a little comma heavy.
• Local historian Lori Price - From Puyallup?

Pierce County anyway. Price died in 2007, but there's a brief tribute to the years she spent recording the history of the Puyallup Valley in the book with Anderson. She was a member of the EMHS, and she wrote the entire special section of that newspaper for the Puyallup Centennial. I use "local historian" to mean "expert without necessarily having formal qualifications".

• That's it for today. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:56, 28 April 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for all your work. If I haven't specifically addressed a point, it means I've made the change.Wehwalt (talk) 00:54, 29 April 2013 (UTC)

• Meeker did not have much money, but raised it from friends. - But or so he?

I think either would work, so I've changed it.

• Mr. James - No given name / family name?

None mentioned. He's called "Mr. James".

• the James chickens - should this be "James' chickens" or "the James' chickens"

I suppose

• One stayed on for the boat voyage up the Columbia to The Dalles, where Meeker hired a driver/cook, William Mardon, at $30 per month. He remained with Meeker for the next three years. - The cook or the helper?

  I've tweaked this, though I feel there was no ambiguity as the previous sentence indicates that his helpers left him.

• New York State - Any particular reason for writing "state" here? Since you've named two states already I think "New York" would be understood as the state

Since a lot is about to happen regarding New York City, I think it is necessary. Meeker could have gone the length of Pennsylvania and into New Jersey.

• —she had been in poor health for some years. - You said "ailing wife" above; wouldn't this already be implied?

The illness could have been temporary. From comments in family correspondence I've seen, I gather she was senile, but I see nothing to be gained by making that explicit.

• Humphrey Bill - Worth a redlink?

As it was never enacted, I don't think it is notable outside of the context of Ezra and his activities.

• Sons of the American Revolution and Daughters of the American Revolution --> Sons and Daughters of the American Revolution?

• As Larsen shortens it in a similar manner in his book, I see no reason not to do the same.

• On his return, the oxen and wagon were mounted as an exhibit at the Washington State History Museum until it closed for a move to new premises in 1995. The wagon was then deemed too fragile for display. - When did the oxen go back on display?

Presumably upon reopening. Not much of a display, I really had to search to find them on the fifth floor. However, I do not think this point needs to be spelled out in the text, the image and caption makes it clear the oxen are on display. This is a very minor point and I think an illustration deals with it adequately.

• Oregon Trail Memorial Association - Worth a redlink? — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:40, 29 April 2013 (UTC)

Probably, It was notable in its day, and that doesn't expire. I'll put together a stub in due course. (NOT during this FAC).