Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Frank's Cock/archive1

Addressed comments from TBrandley

Comments

• "short film directed" missing "that was" after "film"

• Not done, as it would be bloat. "That was" is implied. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

• "directed and written" shouldn't "written" by first, I've seen that, and it seems to make more sense, per the fact it is more notable?

• Sounds fine, done. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

• "and written by Mike Hoolboom and" too many "and" in there. At the last one, I'd change it to "being produced by ...", etc.

• Done, though not with your word. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

• "including Best" add "the" before "Best"

• Changed — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

• "tender lover" is that neutral?

• Check out the script. It's the narrator's POV. Calling the villains in Munich anything other than terrorists would be an overly strict interpretation of the policy. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

• "In turn, the narrator" don't understand the first part

• Dropped "in turn"

• Per MOS:ACRO, spell out "HIV" fully with brackets () at the end

• I think WP:COMMONNAME should trump this here, and even MOS:ACRO allows exceptions. Something like 99% of our readership knows what HIV/AIDS is, and the full name would only confuse the matter. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

• "1988 or 1989" why is the year in question? Can that be explained?

• Per the source, "he forgets when". — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

• "describe the film" should be "described"?

• That paragraph is in the narrative present, has been changed to the simple past. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

• How is "Official Website" a work? Also, speaking of that, it should be the actual website name, not "Official Website"

• Changed to mikehoolboom.com — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)

• Second image requires the adding of alt text per MOS:IMAGES

• Done

TBrandley 23:56, 8 November 2012 (UTC)

• I think I got everything. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:24, 9 November 2012 (UTC)