Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Say Hello to My Little Friend/archive1

Addressed comments from Crisco 1492

Prose comments from Crisco 1492

• "appears to let Michael know that he sees himself through the window and Michael chases after him." - Michael sees Michael or...?
  • Done
• "Michael starts to believe that his son is really dead, remembers the crash, yet again, with additional information." - Missing a conjunction after "dead"
  • Done
• Dr. Lee is in both realities?
  • Done
• series creator Kyle Killen and Leonard Chang - Creator or creators? If the former, perhaps "Leonard Chang and series creator Kyle Killen"
  • Done
• "Chang's second piece of acknowledgment for the show." - What? Perhaps clarify a bit
  • Done
• Clear the unused parameters from your cite templates, having them makes the code difficult to read.
  • Done. Its fair enough.
• Couple of sentences in #production start "Killen"
  • It is suppose to, as per WP:MOS, which states after its first use, it should/will be referred to by last name. Cheers.
    • I think he is saying that the prose sounds choppy to keep repeating the same word; perhaps rephrase a sentence so it doesn't begin with "Killen". TRLIJC19 (talk • contribs) 08:18, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
      • That's correct, TRLI. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 08:20, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
        • Done. I've changed it up. Cheers.
• "This entry uses the "1ATR10" production code." - Either trim as cruft (good for a list, not an article) or rephrase as "This entry's production code was "1ATR10"."
  • Done. Still kept it, but changed her up. Regards.
• titular "little guy"? What's titular about that in universe? Perhaps merge with the next sentence to become ""Say Hello to My Little Friend" marked the first appearance of Hawkins, a detective who was the titular "little guy" from the series' second episode, "The Little Guy".
  • Done
• Everything after "Shortly after this episode was broadcast," would do better in the broadcast section
  • I disagree. All of that info is to do with the production information, not broadcast. Broadcast it about the episode's broadcast, and ratings. This is about cancellation, which should be a part of production. IMO.
    • If they announced it after the episode was broadcast, I think it would go better below. If it was announced during production I'd agree with you. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 01:55, 19 August 2012 (UTC)
      • Okay; fair enough. Done.
• "This installment featured "Bohemian Rhapsody", a song by Queen; the song was played by Rex and Hannah in this entry." - Redundant to the plot, methinks.
  • Done
• "Although it did not directly impact the ongoing storyline of Awake," - Didn't it reveal one of the killers? That sentence is really long, BTW, and should be trimmed.
  • Done
• "dabbling in crooked cops and god only knows what else" - small g in the original? Might want to use {{sic}}
  • Done. I just made it upper case, so.
• HitFix called the following two episodes - Couple issues. Surely the writer called the episodes something. Also, the phrasing is awkward. Perhaps "Say Hello to My Little Friend" and the following two episodes"
  • Done
• I did a copyedit, be sure to check. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 07:18, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
  • Okay; thanks for reviewing! I'm finishing up those last few issues still above. Cheers, TBrandley 08:17, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
    • Still a couple things up there. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:02, 18 August 2012 (UTC)
      • I see. I have addressed all of the above issues, and now, hope you can support this nomination. Cheers, TBrandley 01:50, 19 August 2012 (UTC)
        • Done the last and final (I'm hoping) issue. Cheers, TBrandley 02:08, 19 August 2012 (UTC)
          • The issue above the HitFix one does not appear done. TRLIJC19 (talk • contribs) 02:12, 19 August 2012 (UTC)
            • Oh, thanks. Its done. TBrandley 02:18, 19 August 2012 (UTC)