Template:Did you know nominations/Sara Chapman Bull

The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: rejected by BlueMoonset (talk) 15:50, 2 December 2013 (UTC)
Nomination withdrawn.

Sara Chapman Bull

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• ... that Indian Hindu monk Swami Vivekananda considered Sara Chapman Bull (pictured) as his American mother and used to call her Dhira Mata (calm mother)?

• Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/Killer Ape (film)

Moved to mainspace by Nvvchar (talk), Titodutta (talk). Nominated by Titodutta (talk) at 13:11, 30 September 2013 (UTC).

• Hook is directly cited, article meets referencing, size and formatting requirements. Good to go. Miyagawa (talk) 20:53, 9 October 2013 (UTC)

• I'm concerned that some of the phrasing in this article is too close to that of its sources. Compare for example "She was deeply interested in Norway, the land of her husband’s birth and was a member of several Scandinavian societies in the work of which she took active interest" with "She was deeply Interested ƒ— Norway, the land of her husband's birth, and was a member of several Scandinavian -societies, in the work of which she took an active interest". There are also issues with tone and prose quality. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:29, 10 October 2013 (UTC)

^ Addressing the issues raised above.--Nvvchar. 10:59, 12 October 2013 (UTC)

• Rosiestep has added text and copy edited the article. Her name is now included in the credit list.--Nvvchar. 03:19, 14 October 2013 (UTC)

• Nikkimaria, are there still any issues to be addressed?--Nvvchar. 04:49, 25 October 2013 (UTC)

• Yes, there are still issues with prose and tone, for example in the phrase "Bull was one of the few American women who loved Swami Vivekananda and who was fully aware of him" (which doesn't make sense as written). Nikkimaria (talk) 15:52, 27 October 2013 (UTC)

• I hope I have done the needful now.--Nvvchar. 07:08, 29 October 2013 (UTC)

• The second "Family life" paragraph still needs copyediting and also removal of some over-the-top description of her fiance. I'd suggest noting that Bull was a violinist at the beginning, rather than revealing it later: the concert of music makes more sense if you know he's a musician first. Near the end, you talk about the contested will, but you don't say whether the will was overturned or upheld, which really needs to be included. Also, the street she lived on in Cambridge is spelled "Brattle", not "Brattel" (and was in the 1800s; see here). BlueMoonset (talk) 03:01, 31 October 2013 (UTC)

• Thanks. The second para has been edited and reduced, Other issues have been addressed. The verdict of the case has also been added.--Nvvchar. 09:34, 1 November 2013 (UTC)

• I was disappointed to see the incorrect "Brattel" still remaining, despite assurances, and from my reading of the sources, it seems the case was settled before a verdict was actually rendered, though after the civil trial had proved quite damaging to the defendants, and Bull's daughter got nearly all she wanted in the settlement, though she also died the same day the settlement was finalized. The prose and tone issues Nikkimaria mentioned seem to be evident in the newly added material, so some work in that regard would be a good idea. BlueMoonset (talk) 04:03, 9 November 2013 (UTC)

• I thought I had spelled it "Brattle". Any way I have redone it. I have also reworded the sentences related to the settlement. --Nvvchar. 02:45, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

• Copy-editing and reworking for neutrality still needed here, unfortunately. There are also problems with sourcing: for example, "Sara, deeply involved in Indian religious ethos, became philanthropic. She visited India several times, trying to ameliorate the conditions of women. She also sponsored visits of many Indian gurus to the United States" is cited to FNs 12 and 4, but 4 mentions none of this. Nikkimaria (talk) 07:57, 11 November 2013 (UTC)

• Refixed references and modified text. Also deleted some text to maintain neutrality. --Nvvchar. 11:54, 11 November 2013 (UTC)

• I suppose that I should withdraw this article as it is more than 6 weeks old.--Nvvchar. 11:41, 17 November 2013 (UTC)

• Review, please. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 11:03, 24 November 2013 (UTC)
  • I withdraw the nomination--Nvvchar. 06:07, 2 December 2013 (UTC)