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Tales of the Seven Ages of Wikipedia
Here begins the prose of the Seven Ages of Wikipedia.
The WikiInfant's Tale
editOne day, in a time where the Wikipedian cause was not as strong, and there were still a few articles unmade, a good-natured fellow joined the site. He was just a boy back then, but he felt like he could make something great.
He was a WikiInfant of the truest nature. He only used Wikipedia as a basic research tool and for really nothing more. But one day after reading the latest news about how Columbia dropped from the sky on a lonely afternoon, he suddenly realized the potential in writing.
He had always been rather interested in news so he decided he would look at more news and try to make an unmade page!
Trouble was, he was looking at the wrong kind of news, those funny tabloids you find in the checkout section in a Walmart. So, in theory, you can probably infer what's about to happen here.
He started writing about how Oprah Winfrey was dating Eminem and that they had suffered a massive breakup. Oof. Not good. Why the heck would Oprah date a rapper anyway? So then, those original mods who looked over Wikipedia back in the early 2000s looked at this dude, laughed, and deleted his edits.
"What?"
"IT'S FAKE NEWS MAN!"
The WikiChild's Tale
editThis WikiInfant grew in maturity that day. Now he realized his potentially important role in the community as piggyback-rider of the moderation staff. He made his first great edit for the newly-created Typo Team, replacing "and and" in an old article in November.
Ah, me! What a good WikiChild he was. I remember him well. He did once start the Great Edit War of January 2004 and then again in February, but otherwise he was a good chap! I always figured he might make it far in this world.
Well, one night, he did! He created the majority of a Wikipedia page on the Super Bowl of that year and ended up getting some nice sayings said to him. He felt that he had made such a great choice that he went ahead and started another edit war, this one being a month after his January one.
Though the ban hammer was dropped upon him that day, he did once come back one day...
The WikiTeen's Tale
editOnce upon a blue moon, when the sky was black and full of great stars, their was a boy who called himself a WikiLover. He had been a WikiInfant and a WikiChild before, but now he had matured into a great old WikiTeen.
Much like a real teen, he would take a long break, and then out of boredom, strike fear into the hearts of editors with his rampant vandalism. No one knew why he did all this stuff. He just one day started doing it.
One day, the WikiTeen didn't strike one day. One day turned to a week, and then a month. For four months he struck not once. His WikiBreak was welcomed with arms. When he returned, he struck once more, this time with a full page.
But unfortunately, the page was nominated and elected successfully for speedy deletion, his account suspended. In his great sadness, a few hours of wait, he had a revelation.
"I do solemnly swear," he said, "that I will never vandalize again!"
And with that comeback, he stayed true to his word and grew up a stage. He followed the limits and the rules. He was so close to becoming a WikiBarbarian, but in the end he prevailed.
The WikiYoungAdult's Tale
editThe mighty WikiSoldier that came from a scrawny WikiTeen was quite a good man most of the time. He fixed typos in his WikiProject and made productive edits almost every day.
One day, he felt exhausted from his hard work and decided to blow off some steam. BOOM! Suddenly, he was going haywire, putting so many edits down on the page that within three or four talkpage discussions and ludicrous pranks later, there was a full-blown edit war going on.
Living up to his name, the WikiSoldier kept his pride hanging out of his bed, and carried on with the war for so long that soon, he too became tired of the conflict. But soon, he yielded, put his apology out, and accepted his punishments.
The WikiAdult's Tale
editA WikiSoldier there matured, a fine lady was she. This woman referred to herself as a WikiJustice and rightfully so! She felt the need to bring her justice to the cheap, warring WikiBarbarians who crossed the line and brought fear to the hearts of all Wikipedians.
But then, something happened. She suddenly felt the situation slipping out of her cold grip. So, she did what seems to be a logical decision and went on a rampage, destroying all who opposed the rules and all that attempted to argue with her twisted view on said WikiBarbarians.
"JUSTICEBRINGER360! What are you doing? You're destroying everything!" piped up one of the mods one day.
"I'm doing the job of a WikiJustice! I'm bring WikiJustice to all who oppose the law."
"No, it's just too much! Too much! It's all screwed up!" said he.
"What would you do if the Edit Wars starting piling up?"
"I would personally take a break. But do come back again."
So she did. And she greatly enjoyed her break. It was the beginning of her descent into WikiSenior-dom. But the first break brought her to clarity. She became one of the best WikiJustices we've ever had. We think.
EPILOGUE: The WikiSenior's Tale
editIn the end of his career, the WikiSenior lost his enthusiasm in the editing process. Every once in a while, he was of great help, but the sparkle of his editing years was of great cost and to edit he would only take a request.
The WikiSenior helped the Infants learn, and the Children edit, and helped the Lovers listen, and the Soldiers mature, and the Adults arise to the occasion.
He became a WikiElder, respected infinitely by the community. But unfortunately, the WikiElder disappeared off the web. He has experienced WikiDeath...
But it is not his last breath.
New life will one day breath into him or one of his same power. One who will grow from WikiInfant, an ignorant fool of the web, to a WikiChild, a not-as-ignorant fool of the Wiki, and to a WikiLover, who will cause great arrogance to be spread, to a WikiSoldier, who will make great edits and not-so-great edits, and to a WikiJustice, who will make the best decisions, a WikiSenior, who will help others to make those decisions, before they too experience the final WikiDeath.
Here ends this prose.
This page is a draft for the next issue of the Signpost. Below is some helpful code that will help you write and format a Signpost draft. If it's blank, you can fill out a template by copy-pasting this in and pressing 'publish changes': {{subst:Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/Templates/Story-preload}}
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