Camotero2013

/archive 1

Draft Feedback

Camotero2013,

Lookin' good! A few things to consider, moving on. First, Its unclear to me what part you edited. Because your proposal said you were working on the Protest section, that's all that I looked at. Maybe you could add a part in your sandbox before the lead-in to tell other editors what you worked on. Some things I'd take into consideration are contextualize the timeline a bit. The dates are nice in the section, but you have to make them mean something to a reader. Talk about what Yo Soy 132 was protesting perhaps? Create a lead-in type section in the Protest subsection to do this. Second, add some hyperlinks to the entire article, especially because there are historical events and people that may be unfamiliar to those outside of the movement. This is important because you have to make this article insteresting and understandable for someone with a very limited knowledge about it, and likely very little knowledge about Mexico, too. Lots of specific jargon and place names makes it more difficult for a reader to engage with the article. When I ask myself the question, "what do I want to know more about?", the answer is about how they organize the protest. Consider adding this into the article, too.

AbbeyMaynard (talk) 00:58, 23 October 2013 (UTC)

Feedback

Here are some things to consider before you take your article live.

First, there's a good deal of information that's missing citations. Before you go live, it is absolutely crucial that you remove that stuff or find a source for it. Also, consider adding hyperlinks in some sort of organized way. Two suggestions for how to go about this: in sections (so, like if you have a group of like things all listed, hyperlink them all at once) or the first time they each appear. The origins first paragraph is a bit wordy, so try to clean that up. Also, try to simplify word choice. Things like 'dissenting' are likely to be confusing to a reader with a less advanced vocabulary. Add a 'see also' section with other Mexican and Latin American political movements, involved politicians, and political parties. Maybe you could also go in and add some links to your page on their pages, too. It'll get your work more traffic and hopefully more people will be interested in adding on, too.

Besides that, no huge concerns. Organization and lead-in paragraph are both excellent-- two of the hardest things to do.

AbbeyMaynard (talk) 20:51, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Yo Soy 132 draft feedback

Hi Camotero2013.

I took a look at your draft for Yo Soy 132 and cleaned up the references a bit. The draft you're working on is much shorter than the current article. Was there a reason so much content was removed? The difference between the current version and your draft shows that the original had 46 references and 31,000 bytes while yours has just 17 references and only 13,000 bytes. Large swathes of text have been deleted but I can't determine why. I fear that if you replace the current article with your shorter version that it could be considered a decrease in quality.

Let me know where you are at and what your plans are. Gobōnobō ^{+ c} 21:21, 17 November 2013 (UTC)

I now see that you've already explained why some content was removed on the sandbox's talk page. I've provided some specific feedback there. Gobōnobō ^{+ c} 22:33, 17 November 2013 (UTC)