User talk:ElleMegan/sandbox

Feedback

This is a good start to improving this article. In the sections that already exist but you’re working on don’t be afraid to take parts out if they aren’t good or don’t fit in the section. Be Bold! The sections that you’ve added are looking good for a first go, make sure to copy edit everything carefully though. For the Fair trade universities section it would be great if you could include a link to the Fairtrade Foundation’s website, or specifically the list of certified school, so people who are interested can look. Also in the sections you’ve added, for the future, think about where you might be able to add links to other Wikipedia articles. Kjatczak (talk) 21:23, 29 October 2015 (UTC)

Dr. V quick comments

As we move to peer edits, could you post at top of page what changes you're making and your plans? Also, please post on the Talk:Fair trade article your planned edits asap. Both of these flags will help interested peers/editors work with you and give you better feedback. Onward! I will give you more feedback as we move forward. Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 12:21, 5 November 2015 (UTC)

One more thing: As you edit, be sure to go back very closely to the sections you aren't editing to avoid repetition. You may decide to relocate information to different sections. This will be a big but important part of the editing you do. Working in person with Kayla or me might be good, too. Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 22:21, 7 November 2015 (UTC)

Peer Review

Hey Elle! I really enjoyed your article. I thought it was one of the best that I’ve seen so far in the class. Your word choice and formality made it very informative to people like me who haven’t really heard of fair trade before (I understand your Halloween costume much more now, too). I think overall your article is really taking off, but, maybe adding more youth information would be able to tie it back to the class more easily. I know you have the entire section on universities and the system, but maybe trying to add more about the youth in the countries producing the products would tie it all together a little more.

Here are a few small points that I saw that you can use to your own discretion:

Your point of view and word choice is very good and creates a great NPoV, but try to avoid words like: buoyed, a lot, currently, usually, significantly, benefitting, many, “one of the most”, “the important part”. These were the only instances I saw, so obviously your word choice was very intentional.

I didn’t see this a lot, but when talking about groups of people, avoid using the word “Some”. Try to give specific examples or instances where those people asserted their knowledge.

Psychology of Fair Trade: Try to keep the NPoV. While you highlight that gender doesn’t have a large effect on the intentions to buy fair trade, maybe try to find statistics on male intent for Fair Trade purchases to balance out the gender imbalance.

You already have a myriad of sources that really help your article, but if you needed another one, there’s a text titled “Fair Trade: reform and realities in the international trading system” by Michael Barratt Brown that might be able to help.

Great article and keep on keeping on!Mbaltas1 (talk) 22:17, 13 November 2015 (UTC)

Feedback for your article by Parker Stinski

Hi there, Elle! Great work so far. You have some awesome material and it shows how passionate you are about the topic. Below is my peer review.

Fair Trade Universities

• What are the benefits of becoming a Fair Trade University? What were the positive reactions?
• Have you considered tying in a little bit more information about youth? I think you have some awesome content here, but I think you could incorporate youth a little more. You talk about the requirements the Universities have, but I think it could be good if you talked a little bit more about how that affects youth and their decisions. It might be hard to find information on this, but I do not think this information would harm your article.

Psychology of Fair Trade

• The opening paragraph in this section should have a reference. I think this is important information and should not be left without a citation.
• ”Significantly” and “usually” were used in this section. I feel like the word “usually” is very vague and leaves people to interpret what is considered to be unusual. And the word “significantly” sounds a little biased. I’m afraid these words might be weasel words and seem a little ambiguous.
• I think it would great if you talked about men in this section. Statistics and data on the male and Fair Trade relationship will help make it sound less gender biased. It would be interesting to compare the statistics side by side as well.
• I would consider expanding on this topic as well. I think this could be a huge section for incorporating youth more.

Effect of Fair Trade on Growers

• Refrain from using words like “they” and “some”. It may sound repetitive by saying “farmers” over and over again, but “some” and “they” seem less formal and a little ambiguous.
• If possible, could you try and incorporate a sociological approach to this section? This information is more factual based, so it might be hard. But by applying a sociological approach you might be able to add a global perspective, which will be beneficial for class purposes.

Overall, great sections! I think you have some helpful and informative sources. My main suggestions would be to incorporate youth a little more and to make sure you are not using weasel words or words that are ambiguous and can mislead the reader. Keep up the good work! I can’t wait to see the final product! --Parkerstinski (talk) 00:22, 15 November 2015 (UTC)